Closing the Chapter to My Career at Carolina

Photo cred: ncaa.com

Hello again!!

So I know I’m supposed to have already moved on… I began my new chapter playing with FC Bayern München in January, but having left a semester early, I never felt like I really got the chance to turn the page on the Carolina chapter of my life…so pardon the length, but here is my heartfelt farewell…

My last two weeks at UNC were an absolute whirlwind. After winning the National Championship on December 2, we flew a redeye home from San Diego, I attended my last in-class lectures, and naturally, the nightly celebratory parties commenced. In between what I refer to as “experiencing four years of college in two weeks,” I took several final exams, finishing my grueling 19-credit fall semester, played some pickup soccer, and of course, celebrated some more. Teammates finished their semesters and everyday I was forced to give reluctant goodbyes as they departed home for Christmas break…With my four-years eligibility officially expired, I began talks with Bayern Munich, but was still undecided if I wanted to play overseas or in the newly organized NWSL. I had to pack up my room at the infamous “Yellow House,” aka the “Taj McCaul” and doll myself up for “the graduation party of all graduation parties” at the Carolina Inn (thanks Mrs. Jones) with fellow graduating seniors, Maria, Courtney, and Adelaide. And don’t forget Dino’s Christmas party and a few more nights at the Thrill. My last days as a student-athlete at UNC were winding down, everyone seemed to be leaving me (at least that’s how I rationalize my actual leaving), and I had big decisions to make about my soon-to-be job as a professional soccer player…AHHH!! December 16 came too fast, and after piling into my “baby” Lincoln Aviator immediately after commencement in the Dean Dome, it took all of two minutes into our drive on I-85 North for tears to swell up in my eyes…I wasn’t just driving home for Christmas break, I was leaving the southern part of heaven for the foreseeable future…

I couldn’t have chosen a better school than UNC to attend college. I had always dreamed of going to UNC (I think every little soccer girl does), and although I initially had doubts on my first recruiting visit, now I think back on my verbal commitment to Anson on October 22, 2007, and absolutely, without-a-doubt, know it was one of the best decisions I’ve made in my young life. Of course the success I had on the field, winning two National Championships, the positive learning experience I had in the classroom, and the year-round beauty of Chapel Hill are obvious reasons I enjoyed my 3.5 years at Carolina. But what I really experienced, a sense of family and love, I cannot describe in words, and honestly can only be felt by those who dawned the infamous Carolina Blue jersey or were involved with the program in some capacity. I said it in my senior speech, but what I learned most during my experience at Carolina is the amazing things a team can accomplish when its feels like a family and the players share an unconditional, underlying love for one another...now let's rewind a bit...

I’ve rarely admitted it, but I showed up at preseason freshman year just hoping that I wouldn’t have an emotional breakdown and have to return home. Just a few months before I lost my father to suicide and my “soccer mom,” Charlotte Moran, to pancreatic cancer. Up until this point, my life was fairytale-esque...ranked the number one recruit, signing my NLI to play for one of the greatest dynasties, about to graduate summa cum laude, supportive parents and big brothers, a great group of “lunch-table” girl-friends…I had it all and the slope of my life was rising…and then I came home from school one night and all that I knew about my life in the past, present, and future, suddenly didn’t seem so perfect…

As you can guess, it was not exactly how I imagined my senior year ending or an occurrence I ever expected to have to deal with in my life…psychologists talk about the five stages of grief, and I think I experienced them all at once, and then again when Charlotte passed three weeks later… I was virtually numb to any and all emotions and I personified a “rock” … couple the death's of two significant people in your life with the change of leaving your family and friends to start college and play for the reigning National Champions, and you can bet I was off the charts on the Holmes and Rahe stress scale (knowledge courtesy of my favorite PSYC 101 course)…still I trained through the summer, not surprisingly finding soccer was my outlet, safe haven, and the only time my mind was distracted from the millions of unanswered questions running through it…

August 1^st, 2009 rolled around and while I thought I was physically prepared, I didn’t know if I was mentally prepared to enter the “Competitive Cauldron” without my dad’s infamous leadership and motivational talks to turn to…Fortunately, those who know my mama, Jean Brooks, know she is one-heck of an amazing woman, and as she had along, would see to it that I continued to reach my goals and know nothing but love and support along the way…she promised to attend as many games as she could (she made it to 91/93 of my games btw) but I no longer had the support system by my side that I had been accustomed to for 18 years…I’m not sure who was more upset or worried when all my junk was moved into the Castle locker room and we said our goodbyes…my mom or me…there was also Megan Brigman who appeared so frightened she was a mute, but that’s certainly not the Briggy we know now!!

I managed to get through preseason with the help of a special group of seniors (Tobin Heath, Nikki Washington, Casey Noguiera, Kristi Eveland, Whitney Engen, Ashlyn Harris, Caroline Boneparth, Ashley Moore, and Sterling Smith) who set the standard for what it meant to be a Tarheel and established the theme of “TFLF,” which stands for “Team, Fun, Love, Family” and is still a motto of the team today. The coaching and support staff also helped me adjust to life in Chapel Hill, and of course there were parents such as the Eveland’s and the Jones’ who were always lending a hug and offering words of advice. It was perfect timing really…when my sense of family was shaken to the core, I inherited a family of thirty-some girls, their parents, and a handful of coaches and staff who became my Carolina family. This family continued to grow and grow over the course of my career, and ironically, it was because of my Carolina family that I had such a difficult time adjusting to my new life as a pro in Germany this past spring without them. The culmination of winning the National Championship and going out on top as a senior was the cherry on top of an unforgettable four year journey that featured a whole lot of hard work, late nights, ass kicking, and most importantly, feelings of love and family. 

Outsiders won’t be able to comprehend my indebtedness to Carolina and there will always be haters of the program…winning inevitably results in jealousy and ignorance on behalf of the foes that fall to our high-pressure system. Even in today’s age of parity, the fact that our practices and formula for winning are published in Anson’s books, and with the growth of the women’s game and talent in the US, the Tarheels have still managed to collect six of the last twelve National Championships, and 22 of the last 32 overall…the blueprint is out there, so why do we keep winning?! Well, of course it’s hard to emulate our coaching and support staff…there is the one-and-only Anson, who, regardless of your opinion, is undeniably one of the greatest motivators with an uncanny knowledge of the female psyche… Dino, who balances Anson out and keeps our defense in shape…Ducar, who is always good for finding the “born Tarheel” recruits…Tom, who ask anyone, keeps the program functioning…Nicole, who plays the thankless role of “mom away from home” to thirty teenagers…and you can’t forget our dedicated team managers, who ensure we don’t have to pick up a cone and provide comic relief on the days they have to jump in goal for 3vs3 (to read their complaints follow them @UNCManagerProbz)…

But beyond the ultra-competitive practices, the infamous 120s and cones fitness, and the statistics which never fail to illustrate “Where you’re at…” the secret lies in the players’ ability to get after one another at practice and then pile into a car and bump out to Kesha’s “Die Young” without ever having to verbally apologize for being aggressive (some would say borderline mean) because it is implied that you were only trying to “make me better…”

The secret lies in the seniors trying to incorporate and initiate the underclassman into the program, and come NCAA tournament time, underclassmen returning the favor by giving up their roster spot or sprinting 60 yards and diving on the goal line (aka The Brooke Elby) to ensure the senior’s get one more game in a Carolina jersey...

The secret lies, as Hannah Daly so eloquently wrote in her Thanksgiving note to the team, in the “self-sacrificial demonstration of love.” And this my friend, as cliché as it sounds, is the secret to the continued success of the UNC Women’s Soccer Team…we might be some super-competitive bitches, but at the end of the day, we love each other and are “family”…luckily for me, just because I won't take Fetzer Field again, doesn't mean that I am not a part of the Carolina "family" anymore...

The start of preseason and the 2013 season is around the corner and I have to keep reminding myself that my services are no longer needed…a new crop of stellar freshman will soon be moving into the Castle…dreading the first day’s Athletic testing and tweeting feelings of homesickness…but after the upperclassman are done pushing them through 120s and certainly after the beach trip…the freshies will realize that their “family” is thirty-strong and they are not so far away from home…

My undergraduate diploma in hand, I can now adequately close the chapter to my career at Carolina….what a storybook ending it was and I have my “family” to thank for that…of course I will be envious of all the Instagram photos and stalk the team Twitter account (@UNCwomensSoccer), but I do so now as an Alum…for my place this fall is in Munich…

“It is rare, indeed, when you are doing exactly what you want to do, with exactly the people you want to do it with, in exactly the place you want to be…In life, most people are happy when they just get one right, and two is like Heaven…(And getting all three right could only happen in Chapel Hill)."- John Gay (Adi's dad) 

EVERY DAY is a Good Day To Be A Tarheel,

Ber

P.S. If you don’t believe my words and want to visually see the “family” and “love” and absolute craziness I’m wrote about, check out Brittani Bartok’s YouTube masterpiece entitled Team. Fun. Love. Family: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gsJFZ4jDNDM